The Variable of Difference

As many of you may or may not know, I have recently delved into the first of many years of college. And as much as I read about what it would be like and what it would feel like and how hard it would be, it has still managed to be so much different than I imagined.

The thing that’s the most foreign to me has been the people; the people are everywhere. When I wake up, I wake up wondering if my roommates are awake. When I wander to class, I am merely one person out of thousands. When I attempt to fall asleep every night, some nights more successfully than others, I lay in my bottom bunk wondering how my roommate in the top one is doing. People are everywhere, and I am not used to that. Before college, I was the kind of person who would go into my room after school, shut my door, and absorb solitude.

The classes are also different from expected. Although I knew going into college they would be different from high school, I expected more guidance and more individuality. I look out among my peers in my biology class of 604 and wonder how I could possibly stand out among so many. It is definitely discouraging. In moments of a metaphorical drowning in papers of homework, worksheets, notes, and fear in high school, I was confident that my teachers would understand. They would help and care and show compassion. But, at this point in time, I lack some of that confidence. How could a professor express so much interest in one person when there are hundreds upon thousands of others to?

College is different than high school, and I feel like everyone knows that going into it. However, the variable that you don’t expect, is how different. I couldn’t possibly predict the amount of independence, fear, and excitement that I feel. This is my time to figure so much of my life out. I not only get to explore my classes, my university, my freedom, but I get to explore cultures of different people and versions of myself that I didn’t know existed. And I am so excited.

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